New year, same old apologies for negligent blogging…let’s just skip over those, shall we? With 73 days since the last post (and a year and a day since my first!) it’s a good thing I have no ill-conceived ambitions to achieve sewing blogger stardom.
Speaking of the new year, this not particularly recent make ties in with my New Year’s Resolution. I know, I know– as soon as you call something a New Year’s Resolution, you’re basically instantly condemning it to failure. My own track record for resolutions is abysmal. But I’ve been thinking– maybe my resolutions always fail, because they’re always exactly the same. Doesn’t the old saying go that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results?
Every year, for as long as I can remember, my resolution is some variation of that same tired old cliche– lose weight. Lose weight, because then everything will be better. It’s pretty clear that this hasn’t been effective.
So this year, inspired by this wonderful article from Cashmerette, I’m trying a different tack. Clearly, my vain attempts to hate myself thinner haven’t been effective– and anyways, since I’ve started sewing, I’ve found the fervour of my self loathing gradually diminishing. For 2016, my New Year’s Resolution is to (at least try to) stop letting insecurity hold me back.
I’m starting to think that my body isn’t as problematic as how I feel about my body. Social anxiety. Avoiding yoga classes for fear of judgement, and reluctance to run because of all the public jiggling that it entails (I know feeling like I’m too fat for exercise is ridiculously counterproductive, but there it is). Worrying that I’ll be mocked for flirting, and hesitating to wear what I really want to wear. Those are products of my mentality more than of my weight, and they’re not helping me lose weight but they ARE getting in the way of feeling happy. I don’t judge other larger women harshly, so why do I do it to myself? Enough!
I’ll be honest, I’d still like to lose weight. I can’t pretend that society’s general disapprobation of my body doesn’t bother me at all. More importantly, I don’t feel as healthy or strong as I have in the past, when I was a bit slimmer. However, I’m thinking that I don’t need to hate myself in the meantime, and that weight loss isn’t the only or even most important goal to fixate on.
Sewing has been such an important part of my improving relationship with my body. Being able to make and wear nice clothes which express who I am, which make me feel good, has been huge for me. I’m no longer forced to subject myself to the shame-filled search for decent clothes, or the humiliation of sometimes not fitting the largest size in the store. I’m also able to experiment with new looks, and wear things that “girls like me aren’t supposed to wear”. One of those things is the crop top.
I’ve been thinking for a while now that the high waisted skirt and crop top look can be really cute on chubby girls. This post by Cashmerette (yes, total blog crush) further sold me on it. So, I decided to give it a go for myself.
I made this top out of the True Bias Southport Dress pattern, with the same adjustments (including fba and added darts) as my two Southport dresses. All I did was leave off the skirt and drawstring casing, and narrow hem the raw edge. A super simple make, barely squeezed out of some precious fabric leftover from my Staple Dress. The fabric is Mountain Views double gauze by Nani Iro, quite possibly my favourite fabric ever.
So far, I’ve been wearing this top with my denim Megan Nielsen Brumby Skirt— on its own here in Sydney where I’m visiting for Christmas, or with a navy cardigan, tights and boots back in Korea. I’ll admit, I don’t feel entirely comfortable in it. Although you can’t see any midriff in these pictures, it does flash skin as I move. However, at the same time, it feels cool and breezy and strangely liberating. I plan to keep wearing it, regardless of my fears of what strangers (or even some of my judgier friends) are thinking. It fits in well with my resolution, and each time I wear it, it gets easier.
To anyone reading– are there any styles which “people like you” aren’t “supposed” to wear, but you’re secretly wishing to try? It’s a new year– maybe it’s time to be bold and try them out!